Category Archives: Tips and Tricks

Unwanted guests begone!

Here’s a tried and true remedy for ridding yourself of unwanted guests. It works well on those who drop by unannounced, be they sales people, church people, or tipsy chicks that for whatever reason, you don’t find attractive. For that matter, it should work on just about anybody, save the very hardcore, that breachs your front door. I wouldn’t recommend this procedure if you live in an apartment, or in any other way extremely close proximity to your neighbors. Additionally, it might cause tinnitus if used too frequently. It works best on groups of two or more. You’ll need a killer stereo and a copy of Stevie Ray Vaughn’s “Tight Rope”.

Here’s what you do. Tell your visitors you have a brand new, state of the art stereo. With a big smile and adolescent-enthusiasm, ask the visitors if they “want to see how loud your new stereo will go?”. It’s almost foolproof. In my experience, they fall for it every time, probably because the stereo is “new” and they are stupid. Once they do (fall for it), cue up “Tight Rope” and set the volume just loud enough to prohibit quiet conversation. Let your eyes glaze over and try and tune your company out as best you can. Then, just as the guitar solo begins, flash a grin, and with no warning, CRANK IT! I can almost guarantee that just as little pieces of your ceiling begin fluttering down your pests will take their leave.

As noted, don’t try this in an apartment. If you do, you’ll likely exchange one set of unwanted visitors for another. (The police.) Additionally, if you don’t have “Tight Rope”, “Statesboro Blues” by the Allman Brothers Band will do nicely.

Good luck and good riddance.

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